This is for real...

I wake up every morning with nausea in the pit of my stomach. Unaware of what I did the previous day to have caused it. Completely unsure about how to fix it in the 15 minutes I have before I jump into the car and set off for another so called adventure of driving till our eyes are so heavy they can't even lift a spec of dirt from them. I feel as if I've aged ten years in this three week period. I've seen things that one would not expect to see, not at this age. Not in this time. Time has sped past me and I know now of what there is to come if I don't make up my mind about what I want to do with my life. I have seen the very epitome of what one's destiny can behold for them, as well as the bottom feeders paradise. Panhandling for a slice of bread to eat, or even the slightest bit of human kindness or interaction. I wouldn't say I'm like a child and this horror film of a country is being unveiled before my eyes. I'd would just say it's a culture shock to see some of the most different kind of lifestyles everywhere you go. I wouldn't expect salt lake city to have as many people begging as it did. Even though I was begging to leave, but thats a whole different story. Do yourself a favor and do not go to salt Lake city.

This trip has opened my eyes for good and for bad. I underestimated alot about this country and it's expanded my mind to the point of no return. I can't unseen the things I've seen and I can't really redo this voyage over again. Witnessing the country from the eyes of a fly as we zip past every city as every mile clicks up. A new state begins and only agony follows me until I get to the end of this one and to the beginning of another one. Only pleading to get back to the east coast where I am accustomed to. I am no longer headstrong to take on this country. I've absorbed everything I can from it and will hopefully pump it back through my own being or my work in some fashion. This palatte of beauty and destruction we call a country is both a wonder and an embarrassment at times. I've been lucky but I've seen those who have not been. Perhaps they made a few bad descions along the way...who am I to judge them. Am I one to say that I've never once put down someone else to get what I wanted out of them? Dare I say I've never taken advantage of someone in a given situation only for it to come back in my face. This country is about opportunity and it's only the opportunity you set up for yourself there is no handout, there is only time, precious time.