So what is this anyways

I couldn't tell you how helpless I really feel. Being this far from home. Being this out of place. Feeling as though you stand out no matter how hard you fit in. There's something different about the way you look or the way you even smell. Especially when you smell like fear.

I have trust issues to begin with so you can imagine how I feel when I step outside the safety blanket known as the car. A mini-anxiety attack runs through my veins and up my spine. What will happen on this corner as we wander away from the car and as we limb back to it. What will happen as we try and make it look like we don't have all these possessions on us. I have to say what I really think...thats the way I've come to be. It's really tough for those who can't grasp it.

This adventure is intense I'm not going to act like it's not shaping me as a human being. This trip alone is beating me up emotionally and physically every day. But I'm on this trip with 3 of the finest, genuine people you could ever meet. My next post will be about the PLAYERS in this game and where everybody comes from and how they fit this puzzle. I will explain how we haven't killed each other. We've taken stabs but thats because we know and trust each other more than anyone else.

But back to the beat down. This trip is a physical and mental exhaustion, with good reason. You think it's easy putting together an endeavor like this? UT UN! Teej has put us on the path to greatness...no matter how much I beg to differ. I'd be dead in the bayou of New Orleans by now if it wasn't for these guys holding me together and keeping me sensical. There are times where I want to just jump out of that car and lay among the grass along the interstate until the sun washes over me and return like nothing had happened. Instead I have to envision such a dream as I speed past fields and fields of different kinds of vegetation. This would be a good photo, this would be a good photo. Alas, I have blinked and that frame through a lens captured for eternity on film has evaporated from my mind.

I look forward to the bright lights of vegas, where the day and night become one plethora of debauchery and sin wrapped up in a box with wrapping paper so good you just can't throw away...